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[Nov. 5th, 2006|11:58 pm] |
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we don't give or get enough hugs |
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[Aug. 29th, 2006|04:21 pm] |
Update:
I love all of my classes because today was Cross-Cultural Perspectives on Gender and Sex Roles which totally rocked and the professor brings us tea and vows to always do so unless he's really busy or something and he was totally excited the whole time about the books that we are going to read and what we are going to talk about and it's kickass.
that is all |
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[Aug. 28th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
~i like living in an on campus apartment with air conditioning
~i like being fully vegetarian now and committing to it regardless of me being in college and in central pennsylvania because it's not impossible
~i like getting cds in the mail
~i loooovveee most of my professors and classes (i haven't been to one my classes yet so that's why i don't love all)
~i love being so happy about having a professor or class that i just want to give the teacher a hug or cry or something because i love education and developmental psych and everything that i'm going to learn from some of the most passionate and interesting teachers
that's all for now...i hope my likes and loves won't turn to dislikes and hates...i'm trying to stay positive
you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it
maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at
trust your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you
all is full of love : you just ain't receiving
all is full of love : your phone is off the hook
all is full of love : your doors are all shut
all is full of love |
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[Jul. 20th, 2006|01:09 pm] |
i know i haven't posted in a while so it's mos def time.
it has been a crazy year with ups and downs and i feel that this summer is like the best reward to a fairly difficult year people/friend wise. but i've just learned about myself and others and it was alright, i made it out alive. i've found that music has saved me from many things and made my life and friendships so rich and wonderful that i can't imagine what my life would be without it.
it's been a summer of reconnecting and seeing the friends who no doubt are my heart and soul, and in all of my indecisiveness in life there's no question about my love for my friends. from seeing z and dana to convincing my parents to let me road trip by myslef to see emily and visit camp is what i needed. for all of the people who have had a negative effect on me these few souls take it all away and fix me back up. i may only see them once in a blue moon with years in between but it's just how life is sometimes and we're doing the best that we can.
with dana i rediscovered how awesome philadelphia is and how available music is and we saw yo yo ma and the philadelphia orchestra and i also jammed with her and her friends at pendle hill. i visited emily in pittsburgh which was awesome, and then we took a trip to fmc. just laying down on a bed with her and casey talking was perfect. i laughed until i cried buckets and turned red and nothing can be better than that. i drove em back and then left early the next morning to go back to camp because i had the opportunity and was gonna take it because em only lives an hour and a half away. i had forgotten the talent, the passion, the magnitude of beauty at music camp and was so happy.
in true quaker nature and fashion i like this
"after silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music" -aldous huxley |
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[May. 4th, 2006|10:29 pm] |
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i've had it for a while but i thought i'd share my little neurotic habit since it's been happening more often lately and our psych teacher asked it as the question of the day. i like to eat small things in twos, be it m&ms, goldfish, pretzels, grapes, whatever. i just like the symmetry, and especially with m&ms i seperate them into colors, eat the ones that are the odd ones out, then eat the colors in pairs, like two orange ones together. i don't know why, i just like it. i can eat them all together or not eat them in twos, but i just prefer to do it this way. what is your neurosis? |
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[Apr. 18th, 2006|09:47 pm] |
i know it's weird but i just wanted to write it down before i forgot. i was just thinking and i was chewing gum and i blew a big bubble but then it exploded and like got stuck to my face. now i'm sure that's happened to almost everyone, but i was just thinking about it cause it's a pain. the thing that gets it off your face is the gum itself, if you didn't know that. using the same wad of gum that exploded pieces onto your face to slide them back off is how you remove the sticky gum. to correct the situation you must use the exact same annyoing or destructive thing that got you into the predicament in the first place if you ever want to solve the problem.
word
i think i'm going insane |
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[Apr. 4th, 2006|12:58 am] |
i love it when you find a song that just speaks your mind...or your entire life
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile |
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[Mar. 7th, 2006|07:09 pm] |
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never has it been so unordinary to hear a little childs voice on campus that just by hearing it outside my window it catches my attention. i'm around adults and young adults, old knowledgable people so much that i've forgotten about the cute little munchkins that are so fascinated and interested in the world. i wish kindergarten kids could go to my school be on campus. |
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[Feb. 16th, 2006|09:26 pm] |
i love
really big oranges that i can peel in one slice
whether it's learned or not i don't care, when babies look right at you and smile and laugh
passionate musicians with talent spewing out their ass. at the moment i'm referring to Paquito D'Rivera, 4 time grammy winner who agreed to come play with our jazz band. makes you feel all tingly inside just to watch him. and then you get depressed because soooo amazing and i feel inferior like woah.
i have to go count my blessings |
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[Feb. 8th, 2006|03:31 pm] |
i am so fucking tired of this i just want to scream.
violence
abuse, verbal, psychological or physical
total disregard and disrespect for people
somehow i keep surrounding myself with people who do this to me. and i let them. and you might say or think but you're the nicest person ever, why would someone do that? why would someone want to call you names or curse you out, throw shit at you, hit you, or treat you with anything less than tolerance and respect. and i don't have an answer other than i let people do it. i let it pass because to speak up might make a scene, or just they've taken me by such surprise i can't even speak. i might not speak to them for the rest of the day but the next time they need me i give them a second chance, i believe that people are redeemable and you can change, but lately no one has. i've become a punching bag for so many people in my life and i can't take it anymore. but i refuse to punch back, i can't stomach to hit someone back. no human deserves to feel or be treated this way. |
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[Jan. 23rd, 2006|06:13 pm] |
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and by not having a roomate i mean that i have an extra bed, and by having an extra bed i invite you to come and stay for however long you want whenever you want and i will love you |
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[Jan. 16th, 2006|01:14 pm] |
sooo...weird thing
we went to see hairspray on broadway because my parents were desperately clawing for some family time because i'm never awake when everyone else is and then i go out. so the show was great, amazing, and then it comes to the finale. everyone is on stage singing and dancing and all and everyone gives a standing ovation and i am moved to tears. i'm guessing they're happy tears, but i'm crying none the less. um..yea, i don't really know why. i don't know if i miss dancing, or singing, or high school musicals, i have no idea, or if i was just happy and moved by the amount that these actors give each performance when i know that they have to do the same thing all over again in about 3 hours. i have no clue, weird mystery of the week.
i'm going back to school tomorrow and i just can't wait because i have not received notice about a new roomate (mine left) sooo maybe i'm in the clear. |
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[Dec. 10th, 2005|01:34 pm] |
having you period the week of finals is just the cherry on top to a shitacular week. specially because i have two finals tomorrow, sunday, and i have about a day to study for spanish and calc and am about to cry because my hormones are all over the place and i just want to crawl into a hole for a couple of days. i don't know where to begin to study because i don't understand any calculus whatsoever, and if you think oh lauren you're really smart you'll do fine i really really highly doubt it because it's appalling at how much i can't do calculus, especially not the entire years worth. and it's not even like oh, out of my 4 classes i have two on sunday and then maybe like one monday or tuesday and be finished, i still have to stay here until the last day, saturday, becuase of my stupid anthropology final because that is the way my life works out. my friend got so sick last night that her throat closed up and she had to go to the hospital. everyone else was shitfaced but because i was being responsible i didn't go out and party. who has to take care of her, take her to cvs to wait for her meds because everyone else is hung over, even though she really really really needs to be studying? me, because that's how my life works. overwhelmed like woah
i just want to go home |
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[Nov. 6th, 2005|01:09 pm] |
it pisses me off when people have no respect or care for something you personally love sooooo much.
in my case this is dealing with music. this isn't high school, and you don't have to be involved in an extracurricular that you don't want to be in. it pisses me off that outside of being in 5 music groups and 4 classes i find hours to practice and then other people in my section don't practice at all. you can always tell and since i'm pissed off i'm gonna say they suck, because they do. we're playing holst's first suite in e and my god do i want to cry every time we play through it. it's one of those pieces that gives you chills multiple times throughout, so yes, when i play i put a lot of emotion and effort into it, but when then i turn and look next to me this kid holds his instrument up to his face but doesn't play anything. there's only 1 first, 1 second and 1 third, he neeeeds to play his part because it is vital and still amazingly beautiful but he doesn't. then why are you still here ass hole??? if you don't practice, and ultimately don't even play what is the point? you're not getting a credit, you're not getting paid, and you don't seem to really be playing music because it's just in you and you can't imagine living without it. and it's not like it's an honest effort i'm proud of him for playing and trying, he doesn't even try and it's disrespectful to me.
so now we have to hire trumpet players and perhaps they'll just take over his part and life will go on but still, if this goes on for 4 years i'm gonna blow up |
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[Oct. 31st, 2005|12:24 am] |
alright, i know i haven't updated in fucking forever but i'm just internally freaking out sorta. so this weekend was parents weekend, i played in a jazz concert, marching band, saw the school play, got a winter coat, etc. soo the rents leave at like 11 and i go back to my dorm and we're trying to think of something to do. it's a gorgeous as heaven night where the stars are all out and it was a new moon so like 6 of us decide to go for a walk to where this lookout tower is near the school so we can look at the stars. it's a little creepy and dark, but not all that cold. so this one kid ben decided not to go up the tower just yet and was walking around and said that a police car had passed so we were like ok. then the freakin park ranger turned around with his flashing lights and beamed his fuckin spotlight on us and everything. i'm thinking whatever, i'm not drunk or high or anything, just looking at some stars so i'm not all that paranoid or anything. he asks for id, ok fine. goes into his nice warm car and just leaves us out there for in total an hour. calls each one of us individually to his car to get social security number and home phone number. tickets each one of us $50 plus a lame $25 "processing fee" whatever the fuck that means, because it was "park grounds" and the "park" closes at 10pm and "it's almost the end of the semester" (which it's not really)and we should know that by now. ladeeefrickin dah man, we're not defacing property, we're not on any substance, just some kids that wanted to get a better look at the stars. he wasn't even a real cop, he was a disgruntled Park Ranger probably having to fill his monthly quota that is ending like tomorrow and wanted to teach us first years a lesson blah blah blah. so now i have to call home and explain a $75 ticket that i got a couple hours after they left. fuck the man, fuck park rangers, not even the po po.
so what makes me feel lost is that later that night we walked to 7-11, which is not illegal. there's this phone booth near it and there was this woman with her little bundled up girl, probably about 2 or younger, and the woman was just crying in the phone booth. we didn't really know why, so we walked past her. when we left the 7-11 though we saw her and her significant other, either boyfriend or husband, fighting. she's screaming and crying while her daughter is just sitting on this plant box thing next to the side walk. he then proceeds to take her glasses, leaving her blind and crying "i can't see without my glasses, please just give them back!" crouched near the ground because she can't really see what's around her. he keeps asking "are you gonna come back now? are you gonna come with me? stop crying and come inside etc" and i myself almost start crying too. we don't stop, i feel helpless, i can't offer anything to make it better without feeling like i'll make the situation worse or get myself hurt. where's the police now? when something actually horrific is going on, WHERE ARE THEY? i get fined for looking at stars while some woman is overlooked by everyone passing by and probably goes home to be beaten and what not. safety and security, 2 police cars that i saw drive by on the same street, somehow did not see what was going on. it's not right but i don't know how to fix it. i don't know the exact lesson from this night, i just know that i won't be able to forget it for a long time. |
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[Jul. 17th, 2005|03:27 pm] |
so i've been taking care of the new dog, bumming around and seeing friends, but now i'm starting to get kinda bored. i finished A Farewell to Arms, very berry good book by mr. hemingway but my god is he depressing and tragic. he was a very dashing young man but very adventerous and almost died a lot of times, makes for a good but troubled writer.
i've cleaned like 100 pounds of clothes out of my room, then i proceeded to go shop with my mother, i'm so awful and retarded it's amazing. i'm trying to make things from my old pairs of jeans and cords, if you can suggest anything other than like a bag tell me, but i don't think we have and i don't know how to operate a sewing machine so nothin too difficult.
i found out my schedule and i've been put in a seminar that's disappointing cause it was like 7th on my list of 10 and i don't want to be in it, but they house you by seminars and shtuff so i don't think i can change it. i wanted to be in the Zen of improvisation, it sounded so cool, you play and act in class, how perfect! buuuttt now i'm in 'all the world's a stage' examining tragedy in the classics and in movies and writing analytical papers (which i am soooooo great at, really....not!) i'd rather look at comedy or something but no, my first semester is going to be filled with tragedy. and the class is at 7-8:30 at night, who does that? ugh
call me, email me, come and play with me |
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[Jul. 3rd, 2005|04:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect. |
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[Jun. 19th, 2005|09:09 pm] |
so yes, to answer your question, i have nothing really going on this summer. you're gonna be bored you say? psh, maybe for some hours but so far i haven't had much down time. I have goals for every day, to see people, get things, do stuff, and it has been great. i have been to concerts, hung out with many a people, finished my thank you notes, been to the spca and pet store to look at dogs with my mama, got blood taken a tb test aaaand a meningitis shot (which i have a bad reaction to where it blew up to the size of a golf ball), swam/swum in the pool (yea, i don't know grammar, so what) and seen mr and mrs. smith aaand the Batman movie which you MUST SEE. no joke, it is so great and i don't usually like superhero movies but it is amazing.
and i will now, starting tomorrow be able to drive after 11, making my super plans and events even more super. why you ask? because it is my 18TH BIRTHDAY TOMORROW YAAAAAY! enjoy your days |
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